Our American Tale

Sweet Child of Mine

I had Lucas in my lap last night while I worked on my laptop. Little Buddy kept reaching up and touching my face, so I grabbed a quick shot of it. I love my boy so much!!

Where You Used to Live

It is still amazing to me

to think that I grew you inside of my own body.

That you lived in my belly.

Even though I tracked your development fondly,

it's still difficult to wrap my head around sometimes.

That every little part of you

was magically etched out inside of me.

Monthly Photos: Two Months

My baby boy. You are two months old. How is it even possible that time could go by this fast?

You are now solidly into your three month clothes, and, already, you're starting to stretch out of some of them! You are learning to express yourself in new ways. You coo and squeal with excitement when you're happy and your cry when you're hungry or upset is much more passionate now that you are starting to get tears. There are moments where you can't seem to make up your mind what emotion to express. Last week you smiled so big at me that your eyes squinted shut and when you opened them again, you started to cry before breaking into a little smile again. Your sweet face twitches into little half smiles while you sleep, and twice now, you've laughed while you slumbered. You continue to be a happy and easygoing baby. You are content to be held and talked to and you always have big smiles for mama and daddy.

During your second month, you have experienced a lot more of the outside world. We had our first adventure to Target, just you and me, and about five minutes after walking in the door you lost your mind. I was speed walking through the aisles to get the things I needed, grabbing dog food and laundry detergent with one hand while bouncing and supporting your head with the other, attempting to steer my cart and receiving sympathetic looks from other moms in the store. Though that first shopping trip was a bit traumatic for us both, you have since become an expert at running errands with your mama. We've been to Costco, the grocery store, the drug store, Home Depot and, of course, Target, without incident.

You are starting to become very curious about your world. You are always busy looking around... just taking it all in with your big eyes. You stare out the window, you gaze at the dogs, and you dart your head back and fourth as we walk. I love that everything is so fresh and exciting to your new eyes.

You're starting to sleep for longer stretches at night, bless your heart. You go down for bed like a champ most evenings, though you still have a rough night here and there.

I work hard to savor every moment with you. I love the feeling of your soft breath on my chest as you sleep in my arms, your sweet baby smell as I sniff your neck and head, your impossibly soft feet that I can't seem to keep my hands off of, your tiny body curling into the fetal position still when I pick you up, your little hand patting me as I nurse you, the big smiles you offer when we talk to you... I am vigilant in my quest to hold on to every little moment and burn it into my heart in hopes of slowing time down just a little, yet somehow here we are and I can't believe it has already been two months.

In so many ways, I can barely remember my life before you were here. Though you have only been a part of the world a short time, I feel like you have always been a part of my life. Since the moment you entered it, it has been impossible for me to imagine this world without you.

I love you so much, my sweet child. I am thankful every day that you are mine.

May 26, 2011

The Best Accessory

There are always those personal life savers and favorites that all moms have in their arsenal of baby gear.

Mine is the Moby.

I had added to the registry after getting rave reviews from a couple of friends and it has quickly become my very favorite must-have accessory.

It's wonderful for babies and parents because it keeps them close and secure. They get your body heat, your scent and the movement of your body, which can simulate the womb environment, and you get to have them close with the freedom to use your hands.

We did skin on skin kangaroo care with it when Lucas was a newborn, I wrap him in it when I need to get things done around the house, I am able to eat with two hands because of it, he goes on all my errands in it, and, in general, it is great to help sooth him if he's having a rough time because the body heat on his tummy acts like a warm compress to help with gas.

Though I ended up getting an infant seat after the fiasco with his convertible seat, I still didn't want to use his car seat as a carrier. I know a lot of people love the convenience of being able to pop their baby in and out of the car, but it just wasn't something that worked for me. An added bonus to running errands with him in the Moby instead of an infant car seat is that strangers can't touch him with their FILTHY hands. I was always horrified when I'd witness people doing that to others' babies out in public, so I really like the idea of having him tucked in close to me and away from intrusive strangers.

I had set several little goals for each day after the baby came. I had to make the bed, go for a walk, and get showered and fixed up every day to avoid crossing into that scary realm of "I haven't left the house in a week and I can't remember the last time I wore eyeshadow."  Particularly in those first weeks, I did a lot of getting ready with the baby strapped to me, and honestly, there's nothing better than being able to fix your hair while getting a hug from your best buddy.

Oh dear, sweet Moby wrap. I love you so!

(Second best accessory? Hands down, the Medela bustier. I wouldn't have survived that first week of pumping as we transitioned to the breast without it!)

Something Deserving of the Honor

For as long as I've had my own fridge, I've maintained the front of it as a magnet-free zone.

While we have a few items on the side of the fridge - a magnetic note pad, a photo or two, a to do list or reminder - it is very rare that anything makes it to the front of the fridge. We posted Dan's board scores and his Absite results, my GMAT score and acceptance letter from Drake, but they only remained for a few days before being retired to a keepsake box. It takes something truly special to make it to the front of the fridge for any length of time.

This little sign was made by one of the NICU nurses the day Lucas was born and hung on his bassinett during his stay. It made his little station a little more personal and I was thankful for the thoughtful keepsake.

It stayed on the fridge from the time we got home until it was replaced by Lucas's birth announcement, which is still on display.

Either I'm getting lax with my magnet-free zone policy or I finally have something I want to showcase in every square foot of the house!

Speaking of showcasing, I got the photos from Lucas's newborn session hung last week!

A family portrait wall in the front hallway - I had to paint the new frames to match the frame on our wedding picture

The big canvas we had done of Lucas for the family room

A maternity shot and the ones of our hands holding Lucas for our bedroom

A few shots of our little babe sleeping for in the nursery

And the keepsake frame we did with his hand and footprints

Let's Talk Baby Weight

I think most moms have struggled with those postpartum pounds.

If you haven't, you are either a liar or one of those assholes who only gained 12 pounds during your pregnancy and I don't want to hear from you.

We all wear our badges of new motherhood: baby puke and slobber on your clothes, talking about the color of your child's poop at a dinner party, the first 24 hours you went without any sleep, yoga pants, leaky boobs, not having a haircut in six months...

... and of course the battle of the baby weight.

Let's take a photographic journey through my pregnancy...

    

  

  

  

From 14 weeks to 41 weeks. My, how I changed!

People have noticed that I was very strategic about not sharing photos of myself in my last trimester.

There was a reason for that.

There was a reason that the few photos I did share were of the profile to showcase only that beautiful belly and not my huge thighs, boobs, arms, et al.

There's a reason that my iPhone is positioned very precisely at the neck in all my photos to hide my double chin.

My last trimester was not kind to me.

You wanna see the full monty of what I looked like the last half of my pregnancy?

I went from this at 20 weeks:

To this at 30 weeks:

To THIS at 37 weeks:

I'm not going to mince words. I was HUGE... HUGE the last two months of my pregnancy.

(I should note that it pains me greatly to share that last photo with you. I shudder every time I look at the photos from my Washington baby shower.)

In addition to the weight that I had gained during my pregnancy, I retained a TON of water in my last trimester. My swollen face looked like a completely different person those last couple of months.

And just when I thought I couldn't possibly retain any more water, I was pumped with IV fluids for two days in labor and delivery.

I have one photo of myself with Lucas after he was born.

One.

It makes me a little sad now to know that the only photo of me and my son in the hospital is a crappy iPhone picture in the operating room, but after seeing myself in that first family shot, I wouldn't allow any other photos to be taken of me from the neck up. Dan, obviously on a high of new parenthood and not thinking clearly about the value of his own life, texted that photo to most of our family and friends.

I still haven't forgiven him.

I told my mom recently how funny I found it that Lucas, who sits in his bouncer in the bathroom while I shower and get ready every day, smiles at me when I get out of the shower. I joked that at least someone could smile at the sight of my naked body, because it makes me want to cry.

Oh, I jest...

A little.

During my pregnancy, I wasn't overly obsessive or negative about my body. It was growing a healthy child, so I was kind to myself and generous in overlooking how much weight I had gained. I was in love with my belly and I think that helped to mask the not so lovely parts. I really didn't see myself as that large until I saw it in photos.

I think seeing your body transform so drastically during pregnancy can be a major catalyst for change. I had let a few extra pounds creep up on me after I graduated from ASU and stopped dancing and then again during grad school, but they didn't really bother me that much because it happened over such a long period of time. But now, after seeing my body go from normal to supersized to this strange postpartum limbo, I am determined to get back to that strong, active body I used to love.

In the first weeks after I gave birth, I lost thirty pounds... NOT including the baby. I call those the gimme pounds. The ones I didn't have to work for. It was glorious!

After my six week postpartum exam and incision check, I started working out again. The first week was a little rough, but each day it's gotten a little better... And I'm losing the weight. Oh thank heaven, I'm losing the weight! I have 12 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but once I reach that goal, I'd like to tackle the aforementioned "creeper" pounds.

I am a work in progress.

Aren't we all.

When it comes down to it, I am proud of my postpartum body because it grew and nurtured a tiny person and eventually delivered my healthy son. I bear no ill will toward my c-section scar or the sprinkling of stretch marks I got the last week before delivery. I have accepted the permanent changes in my body as little sacrifices for the gift of my sweet boy. I try to be gentle and forgiving of my body, knowing that it will take some time to get back to normal.

I think that's the best I can do as a new mom.

Rub a Dub Dub, Lucas Smiling In His Tub

Lucas really enjoys his nightly bath. He likes hanging out and winding down in the warm water of his tub and it's up for debate as to who enjoys his post-bath snuggles, massage and jammies more - Lucas or Mommy.

Last night he fell asleep as I was getting his bath ready. For those of you who aren't privy to bathtime with an infant, it requires a fair amount of planning and organization if you are to be successful. After a while, it becomes second nature, but it still takes a few minutes to get everything ready. You don't want to find that you're unprepared when you have a floppy, slippery baby to wrangle.

I wasn't sure if he'd be quite as agreeable to tubby time coming out of a nice little snooze, but as it turns out, he was happy and full of smiles!

He looks like a yummy pot of baby soup!

After he's all washed up and rinsed off, it's time to get dried off and wrapped up for snuggles. I just adore all of his hooded towels and there's nothing better than a warm little ball of baby to love up on and smell after tubby time!

May 23, 2011

Baby Firsts: Rolling Over

It's a little early for Lucas to be rolling over, but alas! He has rolled! I'm not sure if it was an accident, but I'm still counting it! We've had two rolls so far, so by golly, I'm counting it!

Just before the roll

Really concentrating, here

Ta da!

Of course his big performance didn't get him out of the rest of his tummy time. Mean old mommy flipped him over to finish working out... after lots of excited kisses and oogling of course!

May 17, 2011

The Great Pacifist

I had mixed feelings about pacifiers during my pregnancy. I knew that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended the use of pacifiers to reduce the risk of SIDS, but later learned that the study was done on bottle fed babies. Because I planned to breast feed, Lucas would be at a lower risk for SIDS with or without a pacifier, so I decided that we just wouldn't introduce one to him. However, during his stay at the NICU, they gave him a pacifier to soothe him when his mama wasn't there and also to help him learn how to suck and gain some strength. One of the NICU nurses made a good point that if a baby is going to suck on something, it's better if it's something you can eventually take away - you can't take away their thumb, but you can take away a pacifier! Though I had previously decided against the paci, I really didn't mind him having one when it came down to it. I suppose I had other things to worry about! Luckily, he hasn't really seemed too hung up on either the pacifier or his hands when it comes to soothing. Most of the time, a little TLC from mama works just fine. Still, there are moments when he seems to just need a little nuck time.

May 9, 2011

Mama's Firsts: Mother's Day

My sweet son.

There is nothing I cherish more than being your mama.

Just by existing, you have given me everything. All that I am and all that I have is new and changed because of you.

The moment I found out that you were growing in my belly, I became a mama. Over the months, I watched you grow inside of me, pushing my body to its limits as you grew and grew and grew. You came into this world after a long and hard labor for us both. I remember the first time I held you, so tiny and fragile. You looked at me with those old soul eyes as I spoke to you softly. I loved you fiercely with every cell in my body. I realized at that moment that I would never, ever be the same.

There is an entirely otherworldly love that a mother has for her child. You will never have to do anything more than be my son to have my love, my acceptance, my whole heart.

You were only six weeks old on my first Mother's Day. Already out of your newborn clothes, but still a tiny babe. By my first Mother's Day, I was starting to feel like I was really getting the swing of the whole mom gig. The truth is, though, that you are just easy to care for. Easy because whether you are content and full of smiles or crying, I adore every second with you. I love getting to witness you discovering the world and testing out your ever broadening range of emotions. Every day with you is a gift and I am the luckiest woman alive that I get to be your mama and watch you grow.

May 8, 2011