I think most moms have struggled with those postpartum pounds.
If you haven't, you are either a liar or one of those assholes who only gained 12 pounds during your pregnancy and I don't want to hear from you.
We all wear our badges of new motherhood: baby puke and slobber on your clothes, talking about the color of your child's poop at a dinner party, the first 24 hours you went without any sleep, yoga pants, leaky boobs, not having a haircut in six months...
... and of course the battle of the baby weight.
Let's take a photographic journey through my pregnancy...
From 14 weeks to 41 weeks. My, how I changed!
People have noticed that I was very strategic about not sharing photos of myself in my last trimester.
There was a reason for that.
There was a reason that the few photos I did share were of the profile to showcase only that beautiful belly and not my huge thighs, boobs, arms, et al.
There's a reason that my iPhone is positioned very precisely at the neck in all my photos to hide my double chin.
My last trimester was not kind to me.
You wanna see the full monty of what I looked like the last half of my pregnancy?
I went from this at 20 weeks:
To this at 30 weeks:
To THIS at 37 weeks:
I'm not going to mince words. I was HUGE... HUGE the last two months of my pregnancy.
(I should note that it pains me greatly to share that last photo with you. I shudder every time I look at the photos from my Washington baby shower.)
In addition to the weight that I had gained during my pregnancy, I retained a TON of water in my last trimester. My swollen face looked like a completely different person those last couple of months.
And just when I thought I couldn't possibly retain any more water, I was pumped with IV fluids for two days in labor and delivery.
I have one photo of myself with Lucas after he was born.
One.
It makes me a little sad now to know that the only photo of me and my son in the hospital is a crappy iPhone picture in the operating room, but after seeing myself in that first family shot, I wouldn't allow any other photos to be taken of me from the neck up. Dan, obviously on a high of new parenthood and not thinking clearly about the value of his own life, texted that photo to most of our family and friends.
I still haven't forgiven him.
I told my mom recently how funny I found it that Lucas, who sits in his bouncer in the bathroom while I shower and get ready every day, smiles at me when I get out of the shower. I joked that at least someone could smile at the sight of my naked body, because it makes me want to cry.
Oh, I jest...
A little.
During my pregnancy, I wasn't overly obsessive or negative about my body. It was growing a healthy child, so I was kind to myself and generous in overlooking how much weight I had gained. I was in love with my belly and I think that helped to mask the not so lovely parts. I really didn't see myself as that large until I saw it in photos.
I think seeing your body transform so drastically during pregnancy can be a major catalyst for change. I had let a few extra pounds creep up on me after I graduated from ASU and stopped dancing and then again during grad school, but they didn't really bother me that much because it happened over such a long period of time. But now, after seeing my body go from normal to supersized to this strange postpartum limbo, I am determined to get back to that strong, active body I used to love.
In the first weeks after I gave birth, I lost thirty pounds... NOT including the baby. I call those the gimme pounds. The ones I didn't have to work for. It was glorious!
After my six week postpartum exam and incision check, I started working out again. The first week was a little rough, but each day it's gotten a little better... And I'm losing the weight. Oh thank heaven, I'm losing the weight! I have 12 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but once I reach that goal, I'd like to tackle the aforementioned "creeper" pounds.
I am a work in progress.
Aren't we all.
When it comes down to it, I am proud of my postpartum body because it grew and nurtured a tiny person and eventually delivered my healthy son. I bear no ill will toward my c-section scar or the sprinkling of stretch marks I got the last week before delivery. I have accepted the permanent changes in my body as little sacrifices for the gift of my sweet boy. I try to be gentle and forgiving of my body, knowing that it will take some time to get back to normal.
I think that's the best I can do as a new mom.
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